It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize