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• (310): View more from California

  It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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• (407): View more from Florida

  She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.

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• (818): View more from California

  he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came

  (323): View more from California

  i love that song!

  (818): View more from California

  NOT THE POINT

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  "Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting

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