Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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