If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
