I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
