I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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