In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
