And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
