I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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