I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize