C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
