I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
