Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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