some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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