Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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