I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
