dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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