When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
