Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My ass is underappreciated
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
