My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize