Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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