Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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