I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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