so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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