Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
