Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
