im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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