Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
