the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
