So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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