bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
