anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
