hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
