I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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