i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
