It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
