At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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