did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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