Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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