Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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