you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize