I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
