She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
