I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
