Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
