try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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