I'm going to jail i love you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
