i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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