Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
