im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize