I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
