if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Even my vagina gasped.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
