I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
