If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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