so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
