he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
