Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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