I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
