The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
