video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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