So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
