i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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