I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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