If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
