my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
