Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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