its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
