we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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