I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
