On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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