do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
