There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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