I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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