just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
