when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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